My Mother and Aunt have always been protective of my cultural wellbeing. When recovering post caesarian my wonderful aunt delivered handfuls of orange penguin paperbacks lest I should get bored or forget who Virginia Woolf was. Mum is always concerned that when on cycling holidays I might zoom past significant architecture and not take it in. They have been to Siena together recently and came back utterly beguiled by its beauty. Now they tend to dismiss anything assembled post C14th/C15th as somewhat newfangled and unsophisticated.

So, when I told Mum we were going to Lanzarote for 4 days of October sun I was armed and ready to play architecture top trumps. Despite Michael Palin naming it  it ‘Lanzagrotty’ this much maligned Canary Island has a 15th Century  building of its very own. Actually. Teguise

Dead people’s erections aside, Lanzarote is beautiful. Between clusters of squat white buildings in scattered costal towns lie miles of volcanic dunes, black earth and angry spikes of basaltic material. From a distance it appears hostile and rough hewn. But look closer and there is life amongst the volcanic spewings. The lower lands are crammed with Bodegas and vines grow in the ‘rofe’ a fertile and water absorbent volcanic soil hiding under the ash.   The plants are dug into hollows by farmers and are protected from the winds by hand built stone walls ‘zocos’. They are so safe in their dimples that some vines date back to 1500s – Take that Siena!

Wine wise Yaiza Malvasia Volcánica is a brilliant aperitif before hitting the…

Food

Come on, It’s Spain and it is coastal. It is kind of impossible that it could be bad. You can get a Palin-ian British fry up or a roast if you want, but no one really does. Tapas is ace. My favourite was Canarian Potatoes ‘Papas Arrugadas- boiled in salty water, sweet nutty and served in their skins, a jacket of Lanzarote sea salt and a herby kicking Mojo sauce. Sardines, anchovies ‘Boquerones’ and fried baby squid ‘Puntillas de Calamar’ are delicate crunchy and sea-y. Don’t forget your kidneys, things are salty here.

Sea Kayaking

We Kayaked on a lake a few months back. I assumed that paddling in the sea would be the same. What I hadn’t considered was that, it being a family catch up holiday,  we would be hitting the local Volcanic Gin enthusiastically the night before. Apparently it is ‘elaborated with volcanic water.’

Sea Kayaks are skinnier, faster, wobblier and harder to turn than their more squat lake cousins. There is also the excitement of tide, wash, wind and wave.  We signed up for a tour and found ourselves as 3 beginners in a group of 8 white water kayakers, rock hoppers (I immediately thought penguins too – but it’s a type of off-road kayaking) and kayak instructors. 

The water: azure clear and 25 degrees. 

Our instructor Sarah was patient. She gently encouraged us to not paddle directly at the cliffs, though this was the only way my boat seemed to want to go, and nudged the noses of our crafts out to sea so we didn’t smash ourselves to pieces on the rocks. Eventually we caught up with our carbon fibre high speed teammates and made it to a sandy enclave for a rest.

 

After a small lunch, most of which had been washed out to sea by an unseasonably large wave, we headed back into our boats. It was now the turn of the waves and the gin and the heat to take revenge. Two of our party were going green in their vessels, initially Sarah had one on a tow line and was steaming through the water like a speed boat. But the motion sickness was so bad that my friend was starting to lose balance. Sarah called me over (me thinking shit, I didn’t cover sea sickness in my recent first aid course) and rafted our boats up together so I could hold on and prevent her from tipping headfirst into the Atlantic. We talk about everything but the nausea; the weather in Worthing, EasyJet and the fact that, despite her brain telling her so, the sky was not falling through a wormhole. I apologise that I can’t “stop the endless fucking bobbing” of the boat and reassure her that the landing beach was just round the corner. After 2 minutes on dry land she was completely better and we immediately start making dinner plans. 

 

Mountain Biking

We hired e-bikes to go and play in the rocks.The purist in me wanted to go e-free, but straight talking husband pointed out that my home bike was home to generations of spiders that betrayed the fact I’d not ridden for months. He was right. Whilst the red rocky tracks looked simple, the volcanic bassanites and basalts are unstable, spiky and lack grip. We had mountains to ourselves and were completely alone for as far as we could see once we got up in the volcanoes behind Playa Blanca. 

We were alone was until I skidded round a crusty lava flow, fell off and landed upside down on the path, exfoliated. A walker appeared from nowhere and asked if I was ok. I still have no idea where they came from.

We cruised to the top, ate caraway bread and jamon Iberico whilst being watched by mountain goats, then switchbacked down the mountain only returning because we had run out of water. 

 

For an island Lanzarote is pretty inexpensive:

70cl Gin 9 Euros 

A beach towel 3 Euros 

Gelato scoop – try the Turron – 1Euro

Plate of Squid – 2 Euros

Ebike hire 1 day 40 Euros

Whilst there may not be huge amounts of architecture to trail around, the agricultural infrastructure is fascinating. Visit the vineyards and look at the sea salt extraction places. If you’re into igneous rock – this is your holiday. It’s really cool seeing such a young island, a mere baby at 15Million years. 

I’m now back home on our 550Million year old island, looking out the window at a storm. I guess my bike spiders are safe for now.

Some links:

We stayed here. It’s a gorgeous traditional villa with pool and hot tub and barbecue. Brilliant for the children (though we didn’t bring ours!)

Book Kayaking

Mountain Bike Hire