Bristol, March 2023
“As soon as we commit to try a hug, nothing matters except the hug.”

“It is very small, very precise.”

Treasure’s finger and thumb meet delicately; as though to show it.

“It’s that feeling, when you are not close to, but connected to somebody. When you are both in contact, when you are both present and mindful, paying attention to one thing. On a dance floor, in perfect flow where you fall in love for a moment. There is a non-verbal conversation about a shared experience. We can all achieve these peaks of wellbeing and find a glowing light of human connection. It is so fundamental.”

Treasure is rereading their favourite book, Zen and the art of Motorcycle Maintenance. RM Pirsig

“In a car you’re always in a compartment, and because you’re used to it you don’t realize that through that car window everything you see is just more TV. You’re a passive observer and it is all moving by you boringly in a frame. On a cycle the frame is gone. You’re completely in contact with it all. You’re in the scene, not just watching it anymore, and the sense of presence is overwhelming.”

Treasure’s eyes are lit, blue and rested, welcoming questions. We sat alongside one another, settled.

“I am where I need to be,” They say.

The studio, Treasure’s vision of a welcoming space that “me and my clients might want.” There were a lot of nourished plants. “I see all the dead leaves, I pick at them like scabs, would you like a cup of tea?”

“I am a people person, fascinated by relationships. I prefer company to being alone and value the tactile and physical, the being and doing ‘felt things’ with people perhaps over the verbal… It’s been a lifelong journey grounded in partner activities; dance, acrobatics, fighting and playing.”

Treasure is from Montreal and moved to Bristol a couple of years ago. “It’s a cool city, I like it.”

Their home; grey steps up to a classic Bristol terrace, green door with no number. A knock, then a delay that perhaps asks you to look and take a moment alone before entering. As you turn you see cobbles, bridges, people, Bristol colour, sky and river. You are compelled to notice what is going on whilst you wait to be let in to a place where Treasure offers a “strange” they correct themselves “not strange, just not commonly done” thing.

“I am a twin, my comfort with physical proximity started in the womb… My brother and I are close, it is natural sitting beside one another, legs touching, playing video games one playing and one guiding.” Treasure’s parents are still together and their “family dynamic is secure, I am always happy to be shoulder to shoulder with them. “

At school science and maths came easy, leading to a degree and career in robotics engineering, in water industry and software spanning 7 years and several continents. “I’m fascinated by all of the world.”

Is it possible to be both an engineer, breaking things into their base parts, and be a holistic cuddle therapist? “Sure,” they reply, “ why not?”

Driving to Treasure’s home I had wondered if we would engage in a nebulous conversation about human connection and feeling good, one that perhaps lacked structure. I had heard of them as the person who stood on the high street offering free hugs to passers-by and was curious as to the sort of human being who feels they are placed to be able to do this.

I suppose there was a prurience in my thought; is it predatory? Sexual? What on earth is a Cuddle Puddle? How would I feel if I hopped in for a free hug? Is there something missing in one if one has to get hugs from a stranger? Are they less meaningful than a hug with someone who already loves you?

“I like rules, I play board games, I like to explain the rules.” Dance, acrobatics and engineering have rules, it is human contact within a structure.

I think for a moment on my own presumption that meaningful cuddles perhaps should not have rules.

“When a client arrives, we will have a conversation about the expectations, rules and boundaries of what we plan to do together. We know this is non sexual. It is important to learn the language of a person’s “touch world.” Why don’t we have words for this? “It’s not in the curriculum, who teaches it?… We could solve a lot of challenges if we voiced them.”

Treasure uses language deliberately, sparingly. It leaves space for the person sitting with them to begin to be aware of their own inner narrative. I notice a gentle sense of anxiety spill over my stomach.
Even though I was interviewing Treasure, I felt strangely exposed.

They continued “if things are happening that I don’t want to happen within the therapy I feel empowered to end it. Not as abruptly as it sounds, though.” “Our body telegraphs its core emotional state. I am aware when a hug is ending. I am ok to exist within an embrace if my feelings are neutral. And I have a high tolerance for discomfort. I can tell when a hug is done, otherwise I would stay in it.”

I try it out; naming the uncertainty about how I felt our conversation was going and asking how they felt about what it was we were doing. “It is a strange dynamic, but for the context it’s OK. I notice I am finding ways to speak about things so they can be useful to you. Perhaps it’s a little performative, but it is all real. I feel good talking about it. It is worth sharing.”

We had spoken about what was happening to us both in that moment. My unease ebbed somewhat, and I was able to pick my tea from the floor and sip it without internal chatter.
Consent is core in Treasure’s work.

“Consent is not about doing things, it is about learning whether people want to do something, or not. Consent is not an action.” We thought together about how fear of rejection and failure are barriers to gaining consent. “a lot of what I do is allowing people to give themselves permission to try something, do something, or reach out for support. Life is hard, it’s tough. Why not err on the side of doing things rather than not?”

We often recourse to the idea that someone does not want to do something with us. There is a difference between a person rejecting a person and a person rejecting doing something with that person.
Within personal relationships Treasure’s work is celebrated.

“We are a group of friends who will always greet one another with hugs. My girlfriend is interested to come with me to offer free hugs, I am really looking forward to talking about her experience.”

“So many people are happy that what I offer exists.” There are some strong critics who perceive Treasure’s work as only fulfilling Treasure’s need for human contact. “I would love to talk with them about it. I’m curious and would like to give them permission to undo some social conditioning.”

“I want a massive impact on the world in some way. I want to have an impact on peoples’ connection with one another. The goal of a relationship is to have a good relationship, right? I am personally claiming one small piece of every bit of success that each of my clients has.”

In larger connections coaching or cuddle therapy groups, such as amongst colleagues or teammates, we pick a theme and do a set of activities involving touch. We don’t need them to be best friends, but they need to consciously acknowledge one another as human beings who hopefully have a shared vision of that company succeeding.

When working with an individual, Treasure can focus the client’s specific need for and tolerance to touch. Some like just to touch and others tend to intellectualise. Some come to me because of loneliness, anxiety post-covid or perhaps if their partner’s love language is not expressed through physical holding.

Treasure’s sessions offer a lesson in thinking about one’s approach to touch, as well as the touch itself.

I wondered how a hug from a stranger in the street could be restorative. “Sharing some breaths” in an embrace “when just for then nothing else matters” is fleeting and never to be experienced with that same person again. I asked how we can hold on to that scarce moment.
Treasure replied simply, you don’t need to hold on to it. “it’s practice. These moments are not scarce. Look for nourishing beautiful moments.” Accept that they abundant.
“The more you look the more you see.” RM Pirsig.

“We nearly missed our opportunity” Treasure told me, after I tentatively asked for a goodbye hug by the door. I thought again of their favourite book and wondered how it might have been if we had hugged first and spoken afterward.
“When analytic thought, the knife, is applied to experience, something is always killed in the process.” RM Pirsig

Our hug was our own to think upon.

Explore more of Treasure’s work here: Get to know Treasure and Embrace Connections – Embrace Connections (embrace-connections.com)

Treasure offers multiple touch related therapies and coaching at a location that suits you (their studio, your home, or in a hired space.)

They also offer outdoor sessions, weather permitting; something I’d love to try.